"I so know what you are feeling. I have felt so often exactly what you are saying. I know "you can't go home again," or "put the toothpaste back in the tube." But I don't know what cruel joke of the universe decided you and I should change our sexual orientation at age 50. And have to deal with all the shite that accompanies that little revelation.
It does feel like the pain is unbearable. In my cynical opinion, it would be easier if it was truly unbearable. But the real kick in the teeth is that it is, in fact, bearable. So we end up bearing it. Which does suck."