Hi, I am in the process of leaving a 30 yr marriage since coming out a few months ago because I fell hard for a neighbor of mine, a woman. My husband and I get along fine both exploring dating other people but I cannot get over my neighbor. We hooked up 3 times and it was so beautiful and loving. She told me she loved me from the 1st time she saw me. Now she doesn’t and just wants to be friends. Her rejection is crushing me. I’m trying to meet other women but all I can think about is being in love with my neighbor. Does anyone have any similar experience? Any ideas how I can get over her?
Hi there. First loves, especially of the life-changing variety, are special. Be kind to yourself. Being "just friends" with this woman sounds like it's too hard at the moment; further, it can't be forced. It takes time and, in my experience, a period of no-contact. Do you still see her?
i there. First loves, especially of the life-changing variety, are special. Be kind to yourself. Being "just friends" with this woman sounds like it's too hard at the moment; further, it can't be forced. It takes time and, in my experience, a period of no-contact. Do you still see her?
Italiana- thanks so much for your response! I can’t believ how much her rejection hurts. I was married 30 yrs so not a lot rejection.
Sorry, I didn’t finish my rely. The fear of my marriage ending made me a bit obsessive about her and I scared her away. Fear is showing up in unusual ways. I’m trying to be strong enough to handle the process without her but it’s breaking my heart. Many days I feel panicky. It’s funny, the fear and panic are not rational. I know I’ll make it and be OK but there is this unconscious part of the fear that bubbles up and owns me. I have been making plans with friends asking if they know any lesbians because I’m shy and introverted. It actually worked and I have a. Friendly date on Sunday with a sweet woman that a friend arranged for me. Many days I wish I could curl up in the fetal position and lay in bed all day. Thank God my job does not permit that to happen. Trying to take care of myself, I have been drawn to nature hiking a lot and riding my horse. It makes me feel better but hiking is a pretty solitary activity but it’s so soothing. The other thing I’m doing is dancing by myself. It’s been a great release for me, making me feel better at the end of the day but again a solitary activity. I really appreciate you responding so kindly. Nice to know someone is there. All my support is far away in other states. So thank you!
Your post touched me very much. I have been there right where you are...walking through that debilitating fear. Your feelings are real and valid though. And they aren't a choice. It's okay that you love her. Use that to take you to the next place you need to go. Use it to help guide you through the fear. Because fear tries to trick you into thinking you may be doing the wrong thing. But those feelings you have for her whether that ever works out or not, is something that is more real and true. Keep going. You are brave. My god...so brave. 30 years of marriage is no joke! You are changing your whole life. And it's something that has to be mourned. Do that work and get yourself in a healthy place so that you can be whole for more love and other beautiful things to come into your life. Wishing you all the best.
You are all so warm, sweet and helpful. You have no idea how much relief I get from your responses. I took the day off work and hung out with my horse today hiking and riding and felt centered and solid by the end of the day. The. Read your responses, she’d some tears but more like tears of connection than sorrow. Thank you, thank you, thank you all!
Hi chicky, I hope you are well. It sounded like you’re on a healthy path to healing. You should be proud of yourself for ending a 30 year marriage. You must have realized your truth quickly to make such a brave decision. You should be confident in yourself and remember how much love you have to give. Someone will recognize that whether they end up being a close friend or a lifelong partner. Keep us updated, we’re all in this together.