Ladyblue, You are very strong and brave. Take things one day at a time. I’ve been stuck for 3 1/2 years now. I can only imagine the relief that will come your way soon. Believe in yourself and have faith that things won’t always be this way. My friend told me that leaving her husband felt like a death. Give yourself time to grieve. You’re going to be ok. Best wishes to you.
thanks everyone, it has been unbelievably difficult. So many tears, so much anguish.i am just getting through each day and trying to remember what I know to be true in regards to how i feel inside. seeing the pain my H is in heartbreaking, the dreams we had, the love that is still here....
we will do a trial separation for a while so i can date but it’s really just the beginning of the end since my H wants me to be absolutely sure. i am trying to keep an open mind but i just can’t shake the feeling of wanting to wake up next to a woman. we are talking together, crying together, holding each other as we face this scary time. one minute i feel good about myseld and the next i feel like a failure. but it is a process and i just have to go through it.
Hello LadyBlue and SophieMom, I've read a bunch of your posts throughout the site and they've been so helpful to me. I'm likely where you were several months ago and reading your stories and seeing the months go by between posts has helped me set my expectations that I have a long journey ahead of me. My husband discovered a love note that wasn't written for him. I fell in love with our much younger nanny. Way to flip that old trope on its head right? (We actually never spoke of our feelings or touched until after she wasn't working for us if that is any consolation) Now I'm heartbroken, missing her, feeling so much guilt, my kids miss her like crazy and my husband is willing to do anything to win me back. I'm in therapy and we're going to couples counseling. He's very focused on fixing our marriage and making it up to me that he all but ignored me for the past several years, maybe our entire relationship really. I just dont know that he will ever make me happy and that I could make him happy.
I'm trying hard to parse what feelings are just for HER versus if I could have feelings like this for another woman. The thought of sex with him now really makes me cringe and I feel like i never knew intimacy in all my 35 years until her. Our physical and emotional chemistry is just way beyond what I've felt for him.
Can anyone offer advice on how to work out what feelings are about the person v. what that means for their sexuality in general? it's so hard to just want a label or an answer when you know in your heart of hearts that the truth is likely some messy thing that needs lots of time to unravel.
Send you all gratitude for sharing your stories. It's really helped me not feel alone the past few months.
Post by want2bhappy on Mar 19, 2019 7:17:32 GMT -5
Hi Tornheart, I have a similar situation. I fell in love with someone younger as well. We started out as friends and she came into my life at a very hard time when my mom was dying. We became very close. I bought Joanne’s book, Living Two Lives, Married to a Man, in Love With a Woman, and before I had the chance to read it, my husband found it. That was almost a year ago. At first he was ready to divorce but I talked him out of it because I was too scared to know if that what I really wanted. Now he’s trying pretty hard to save the marriage. I just don’t know if I can try as hard as he is.
I sent you a message. This board is ending soon. It would be great if there was a way for those who want to, to stay in touch.
Tornheart, I’m glad you found solace in our sharing.
I know how confusing it is...you just want to know!!
Maybe it’ll make a decision easier...or simply give peace of mind.
What honestly helped me was practicing to trust my intuition. Trust the experience. Maybe you won’t know for a while. I still doubt myself sometimes even though it is really clear. There are many layers. But such passion is what made me wake up. The passion is unreal. It has given me a new dimension to life. I dearly love my husband and I am still knocked off my feet by this. So I spend time writing, reading, getting support with friends, therapy. I know I need to live in it to fully understand it. I feel like I won’t be at peace until there is freedom to uncover what the truth really is....
Right now I am subscribed to late bloomer lesbians on reddit (rebirth510 is my username). I am new to reddit but there are new posts everyday and it has been great.
Thanks ladyblue for the tip on reddit I will check it out since this board is ending. Torn heart it takes time to settle in because of so much confusion and stress I remember at times it felt so loud I could not hear the answers. As time went on and there were moments that were calm I realized it’s about the emotional connection. I loved her because the emotional connection. Then that deep passion in love and sex was all intertwined. With my H there is no deep connection when he holds my hand it doesn’t feel the same it never did I just didn’t know until my C. After my C, I couldn’t go back to any sex with him at all. We live in separate rooms which has been good for me now to just have the calm to continue to figure myself and feelings out. We have three kids together so I am in no rush. After all this I am realizing that I do desire to be with a woman. Woman just are so completely amazing!
On a side note I had lunch with my C today....the saga continues. I am just being patient to see where it all leads. She initiated the contact. It’s been about 60 days since we texted and since end of Oct last year since we ended our 2nd affair together. Seeing her makes me a little sad but I am doing fine. Thanks for listening all.
Please send me a PM if any of you want to continue to correspond.
You are not alone! Be patient and kind to yourself Tornheart...much love and peace.
Wow lady blue it’s tough to do but you did it. How are you feeling? I am sure it will continue to be somewhat of a roller coaster but it’s progress. Be kind to yourself during this transition and feel hopeful the woman that belongs to your heart is out there.
Overall I am doing really well. I have my solitude to tend to the tender places within me. I’ve been doing things that feel good like listening to a lot of music, singing, dancing...sitting in silence, netflix. I take it easy, I do what I feel.
I have moments of deep sorrow so I make space for that too.
There’s still sooo much to figure out...
But I’m embracing the moment, embracing who I am becoming, stepping into the joy of my wisdom and intelligence to do what’s healthy for me...hard and painful, but healthy and beautiful. This is change, this is life, these are feelings that also shift and transform with time...so we get through. I know he’ll be ok. We just can’t be afraid to feel the pain, to feel the hurt.
So in this moment I feel more free, like I have the final say in how I choose to live. It feels refreshing, exciting, scary. It’s definitely a rollercoaster but one that I’m accepting.