Hi! I’m 51, have fallen in love with a 22 year old. She pursued me, I was married but not happy. We’ve been together 6 months. I’m so happy when I’m with her. I have separated from my husband now and we are divorcing. The only issue is that I feel like a freak. I’ve gone from being a heterosexual Mum of 2 kids 17 & 20, to being a lesbian in love with a 22 year old. My soon to be ex tells me that I’m a predator, my son tells me that he wants to hurt me, he is so angry & my daughter tells me that it’s okay but she’s not too impressed by my lifestyle choices of late. Background is my husband is an alcoholic, a gambler & previously a sex-addict. Whilst he hasn’t ever physically abused me it has been mental, but I know a lot of people have it worse. My son is begging me to give up seeing Laura, he is ashamed and embarrassed and tells me that I’m going to hell. My son gambles & smokes pot, he tells me he will give up doing both is I stop seeing Laura. The only issue is that I adore Laura and/she loves me. We are both inceredibly happy together. We don’t see the age difference but others do. What should I do? Give Laura up for my son or will he eventually come to terms with it?
Your husband and son are using abusive manipulation to deal with this change. You are not obligated to listen to it; I suggest you tell your son that you will speak to him only when he stops being abusive toward you. You are not a punching bag for his grief.
I vote for happiness and love. You don't need their approval. Follow your heart. Your son is still young. And his brain has not yet fully developed reasoning. Hopefully he will one day want your happiness. Don't put that in his hands right now while he is incapable of knowing what that should truly be. Or what it even looks like. He has yet to see it if your life has not been that so far. Ultimately when he's grown, he will want you to be happy and not want the responsibility of being involved in the denial of that. Show him what it looks like to have the courage to go against the grain and show up for yourself to make the right decisions for you despite anyone else's permission.
Last Edit: Nov 13, 2018 9:53:23 GMT -5 by hartache
Thank you both for your insightful and helpful comments. I talk to other friends and whilst they are supportive for the most part, they tell me to put my children first and if that means being unhappy for the sake of the kids, then so be it. That adds to my feelings of guilt and at times worthlessness. I really can’t give Laura up. I adore my kids, my life up until 6 months ago was dedicated to their well-being. It’s a hard adjustment for them, I appreciate that. My soon to be ex is still living with us in the family home & calls me a slut when he speaks to me, even in front of the children, which doesn’t help. I just feel like shit and like I am a shit.
That's just awful. You do not deserve that kind of abuse. As for your friends, with this transition comes the need to broaden support beyond heterosexuals. Try Googling "Coming out support" and your city name. However you do this -- and posting here is a start - you deserve acceptance and support from people who have been there. You word choices suggest you're a Brit, yes? What resources do you have?