Post by findingself on Nov 9, 2018 14:44:42 GMT -5
Hello wise women. I'm a 45 year old married woman with 2 kids ages 8 and 15. I've been married for 17 years to a man - we've been together for 22 years. We share a lot of common history and experiences and we have a loving, quirky and sweet family. I've known since I was 11 years old that I was attracted to girls but I was terrified of revealing that to my friends and family - even though they are progressive people. I only ever allowed myself to be romantically or sexually involved with men and had satisfying sexual relationships with men. I told my dh early in our relationship that I had an attraction to women but had never been with any women sexually or romantically. He's very supportive - his mom was gay (she passed several years ago). I mostly repressed my attraction to women and figured that it was something I would never act on. But then over the course of the past two years I've been feeling more and more that I need to explore this part of myself. I have been less interested in being sexually active with dh, which is hard for him and for our relationship. A few nights ago I told him that I think I'm gay but it's very hard for me feel certain because I don't have any real life experience with women. DH is being very supportive and wants me to be my authentic self. I just feel terrible about the possibility of breaking his heart and breaking up my family. The stakes feel so high. My therapist suggested doing things with lesbian groups to see how it feels but this feels very intimidating. I've looked for coming out/questioning groups in my area but haven't found any. Anyone have any suggestions? DH and are going to start couples therapy next week. Thanks for reading and sharing any thoughts, feelings, insight. I'm grateful this forum exists.