Post by hidingmyheart on Jan 1, 2019 10:51:45 GMT -5
Waticker - That was such a fantastic response. I have had the same desire/urgency for people (and H specifically) to see this as a MUTUAL decision based on BOTH of our needs/expectations. I knew, very, very early on in this situation that inevitably, the "blame" of the failed marriage would fall on me. It was a frightening aspect to consider, and was one of my greatest fears. And as predicted, has been one of the most difficult things to tackle on a daily basis, because in my heart of hearts, I don't believe that is true. Unfortunately, I spend way too much energy trying to argue this point with him, and in my own head as if I'm constantly pleading my case to some invisible jury.
I’m going through all of this now (well for the past 2 years)and it’s the most painful, depressing place to be in. My H is my best friend but intimacy with him just feels awkward and unsatisfying for me. Seems us women tend to ‘rally’ to keep them happy but we don’t really get any pleasure in the process. We were having problems for a good year or so due to a lot of external stressors. We had pretty much zero intimacy. Then I fell in love with a woman and found that sexual pleasure could actually be a two way street. I stayed married as finding out about my affair devastated my H and I couldn’t live with the guilt of leaving him as that would have destroyed me and the woman I loved - still love. Now I have an angry, frustrated, resentful H who says he’s my “Mary” aka Freddie Mercury’s Mary if you have seen Bohemian Rhapsody. I can’t imag my life without him but I also know it’s not fair to expect him to live in a sexless marriage when he is as physically attracted to me as he always has been. I feel cruel, selfish and confused. #lost
Last Edit: Mar 29, 2019 18:42:14 GMT -5 by theabyss