One reason I want to stay in my marriage is a common one - my children, our family. It's so nice - all of us here together. My H is a great father. We have fun here; there is a lot of love. When it comes down to picking my GF over my H, I quickly think of my close relationship with my daughter. I don't want to not see her every day. She is more important to me than my GF. I could wait until she's grown and maybe in that time I will be in a better, surer place with my H. Or maybe I will be ready to move on then. I know that kids can do well in divorces, but I want to hear from you all who have experienced it or who are worrying about the same thing. Thanks.
Post by closeoftheday on Apr 16, 2018 18:14:24 GMT -5
Hi, Jenni - All is good between my H and I; we also have a happy family and two daughters (12 and 10). My MXGF and I stopped being intimate about 4 months ago; we finally broke off communication about three weeks ago. I don't intend to have another GF until I'm divorced. I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but I understand wanting to keep the family together. Our family has alot of fun, too. I've been out to my H for two years, he knew about my XGF (as did her H). For me, I felt really torn and strained "living two lives." However, the relationship with my XGF was addictive and unhealthy. I can't say if it would have made a difference if it wasn't unhealthy and addictive, because even when things were stable between her and I, I felt really sad to be intimate and then separate. She had this idea of blending families (hanging out together) and although we tried this on a handful of occassions, I felt uncomfortable having my girls be friends with her two daughters under false pretenses. Also, it just messed with my head to see her as someone's wife. It didn't feel good and I know my emotions are here to guide me as to what is best. I feel so relieved to be out of that relationship with her.
For now, my H and I are working on paying down a shared debt...this will take probably all of 2018, maybe a little longer. We are communicating really well. We don't plan to take any more steps until the debt is paid off. In the meantime, I am going to coming out meetings, therapy, and pursuing friendships with other lesbians. But, nothing romantic. And just this past weekend, my H opened up to one of his friends about what is going on in our marriage. This is a great step for him and it really makes me feel good that he is talking to a friend about it.
It sounds like you are fortunate to have a good H. Just remember that although we all have things in common (similar stories), you have to do what is best for your situation. For me, I stopped having that relationship because I felt unwell in it. I feel better now and from this point I am going to make decisions which honor who I am and also those I love.
For the future, my feeling is that as long as my H and I continue to support each other (married or not) and communicate well as co-parents (in one house or two), that my girls will thrive.
Sending you hugs!
Last Edit: Apr 16, 2018 18:15:53 GMT -5 by closeoftheday