Well, divorce will be final shortly, C is happily (or who knows) married and happy to be friends, and chat here and there which is nice. I love that we are on good terms and that I can be a positive force in her life. It will be fascinating to see where she lands in life and I hope I will be around to see it, someday.
Meanwhile I need to be seen and touched like YESTERDAY. Suddenly the need just hit me and hard. So I finally did the thing. I set up an online dating account, put up some pictures...
and I have a date tomorrow.
Do I have time for this? Nooooooo. But if life is going to push me around then I will just push right the hell back. Scared? Yes. Doing it anyway? Yes.
THE THING IS- I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LESBIAN. But I figure if I’m going to f*ck it up I better get that part over with already. If I never try I will always wonder.
Mariab, good for you! Wow, did I say wow? Wow. "I don't know how to lesbian," funny, but I'm sure you'll figure it out. That is so great that despite a solid case of the nerves, you are doing it anyway...the only way forward is to put yourself out there. Good luck!
Post by hidingmyheart on Dec 9, 2017 23:19:18 GMT -5
I haven't shared on here, but I did the online thing too. And I did meet someone that turned into a very undefined relationship for a few months. It was long distance, which in some ways was good. We mostly just spent time talking and sharing stories. She's been out for a long time, but had been married early in her twenties (until she realized she was "SO GAY") and also had a push/pull relationship like mine has been with my C. So her experience and guidance and support were so very wonderful at the time. She was super, super sweet to me. We met up for two different weekends and they were both very good, positive experiences... I learned a lot about myself during those days of "exploring" how to be an "out" lesbian without all the ANGST. For example, I learned that I CAN in fact be physical with another woman besides my C, and that I WAS comfortable with it. I learned what it felt like to get some stares out in public. I also learned that I didn't really GAF. I learned that just holding hands holds SO much more meaning to me than I would've understood before. (It was hard for me). I learned what it feels like to "know" there is something crucial missing when I didn't experience heartbreak when we eventually parted ways. I admit, my heart is still tied up with my C in many ways right now... I stated that upfront to her btw. But the experience was so very good for me. I hope you find the same from this. Anything MORE than that would just be BONUS!
(Yeah... that need to be seen and touched YESTERDAY hits HARD!! LOL!)
Hi y'all I just joined the online dating scene too. I finally broke up with my long term bf. It was hard but I could not live a lie anymore. I put my profile and pics up actually today. I already sent some messages to several women who looked almost too good to be true, so we shall see. I understand you freaking out Mariab. I am too and I don't know how to lesbian either. I wish we could have a manual. I know I should approach it like normal but what is normal anyway? I've got tickets to two events coming up soon and no one to take yet. Keeping my fingers crossed, among everything else crossed, too. Even went out and got a new shorter haircut and glasses to start feeling more my authentic self.
Keep in touch on how your adventures are going. Wishing you all the best. Maybe you can post some tips on how to lesbian lol Anne
Just get out there & do it, right? Be your beautiful, awesome self! FYI: when I was ready to start dating again (after leaving my insane, closeted GF) I signed up with OK Cupid, where I got in touch with many intriguing womyn that I wanted to date. It was really nice to see how many interesting, accomplished gals my age were out there looking for someone. And they were CUTE! Also, I signed up with a few Meet Up groups in my area, that were run by lesbians & centered around lesbian social gatherings & activities. This helped me to get out there and make friends in our community, which then helped me get out of my shell & eventually, meet my partner. You never know what the possibilities will be until you take that chance. We've all come this far - through pain, loss & sacrifice - to live authentically.
And here's the thing: the most wonderful part of being a lesbian is: THERE IS NO ONE WAY, "TO LESBIAN".
It went well! We have been out twice. Really perfect woman but just no love connection for me. But a potentially great friend and hopefully someone I can start building a social community of lesbians with. Huge goal for me!
So....my online dating update. I sent out a bunch of messages to the best and nearest to me profiles. Got a few responses and exchanged messages back and forth but one in particular was really witty. We kept on messaging back and forth for about a week when I asked her out for coffee. It was right before the holidays, so she wasn't sure when it would work out....was kinda on hold a few days, but then out of the blue she was free, messaged me, and we met that next day. Met at 9am for coffe, and I didn't get home until after 2pm. She is amazing. A LiLLY like me; was married and has two kids in college. She has been out for about 7 years. We have so much in common, get on very well, and frankly I'm so smitten!! We've gone out a couple of times, hung out a couple of times at her house, and have both decided to take it really slow. We talk throughout the days and night, and I know she's as into me as I am with her. We have plans again this weekend. It's almost like a dream. I can't believe how lucky I am. Or maybe I was just so ready!! MariaB, hang in there. You'll find someone. Smiles, Anne