Post by christalite on Sept 13, 2017 9:11:22 GMT -5
Hi jenni72, I admire your courage. I am struggling now as well. I am in a relationship with a married woman and am a married woman myself. We have been together for about 3 1/2 years now, but recently took a break in August. Both she and I have been operating with our heads in the sand approach. Acting as friends to our husbands with both of us too fearful to bring it up to our husbands. I see now what a mistake that was. Your statement above is so true. When you discover something about yourself are you truly being true to yourself if you hide it back on the shelf. That sounds like a recipe for total unhappiness. I am lucky in that my children are grown. How can I hide that I am possibly a lesbian? Am I suppose to put that on the shelf and forget about that aspect of my life? My husband is a wonderful man but very needy right now. He wants to spend more time with me and I want more autonomy. I feel I have put my needs on the back burner for him and our two boys. I am now wanting to put my needs first. That is why I found my MGF. It was the same for her. Everything still is so raw for me since I just recently am taking a break from my MGF and not certain if we will continue. I am still grieving that part of my life, but I do not see happiness for me if I stay. I see only a small burning anger in myself that I did not have the courage to tell my husband or the courage to leave spilling over into anger for him for being who he is, (being a man and not the woman I truly love.) I can support myself. I believe to be true to myself I have to leave. We live on my husband's farm, and the family home his grandfather homesteaded many years ago. That place is his and it is hard for me to truly feel as if I can make the changes I want because of that. I dream of having my own place done the way I want, live the way I want, to be free. I am healthy and still feel young and vibrant and have not felt so young and vibrant in years as I did when with my MGF. I understand there are trade offs. Every decision you make will affect someone but what someone said on here you cannot worry about others that is not being true to yourself. I need to be true to myself. I am in a no contact phase with my MGF until end of October. I want to see where that relationship is before I tell my H plus I still need to think things through. It still is too soon since the break from my MGF. I just need the courage to move forward.