Post by christalite on Sept 11, 2017 15:54:14 GMT -5
I am a married woman to an H and my girlfriend is a married woman with an H. (Probably a double strike there with no chance to ever succeed). We have been together for 3 1/2 years now until we broke up at the end of August. it has been hard and I have realized so many things I never knew before I found Joanne's book Living Two lives, Married to a Man but in Love with a Woman. I just thought we could continue on with the affair, be lovers with our other lives on the side but that does not work at least not for me She was having extreme guilty feelings about lying to her family all of the time. She said she just could not continue because of it. I guess I never really knew how internally conflicted she was inside. She said she either had to leave her husband and tell him or she could not go on. She wanted time away to think and we set a date to meet at the end of October. Since then I have been reading as much as possible about women like her and me and I have learned so much in a short time. I realized it will never work unless we both decide to leave and the probability of that working out is about slim and none. I have since looked at my life. I have found the reasons why I sought her out are still all there. All the problems I have with my current H are still there, and they will only get worse as he is retiring in two months. I feel like if I stay H will drain all the like out of me. I have always been a pleaser and felt I put his needs above mine I need time for me now, make sure my needs are met. It still is so early but I think I have made the decision to leave, but it is hard. Even though I am a successful professional, I question can I make it on my own. I think I have to do this for my happiness. I feel I have zero chance of being happy staying married to H but a chance to become happy if I leave. Yes it will be hard, I may be alone, but I also may find someone or my MGF will leave her H and we possibly could be together. There is hope I could find that special someone. I still have a secret hope she will leaveher H but I can't count on that. I need to leave for me. Shit this is so hard. I am too old for all of this. I know my MGF still loves me, wants me but fighting 30 years being together with her husband is a lot to go up against. I am in mourning now. Maybe too soon to be making decisions, but because of my job, I cannot just leave. I live in rural america and living as a lesbian or with another woman would be extremely hard and not something I would want to fight. Therefore I would need to leave my job and find a new one in a bigger metropolitan area. This will take some time probably about nine months to a year, and then telling the husband I want to leave will be really hard. I need to do some more introspection and still mourn the loss of my mgf. Damn I felt she was the love of my life. Why did I have to meet her under these circumstances. We were so perfect together. Ughhhhh.