Post by confusedandinlove on Aug 7, 2017 0:53:13 GMT -5
Went to the theatre with my MGF. We saw Fun Home. Has anyone seen it? I come from a family of avid theatre goers and season ticket holders. I have seen MANY performances. None that hit me like this one. 2 hours after the show ended I was still crying. Even now I found myself still tearing up. So hard to sit and watch...with her especially. The father in the show was married to his wife and had several male lovers. The daughter is a lesbian. The father ends up taking his own life. It was just too much for him. I made that a really short story because my post is not about the show as much as it is about my own feelings and the feelings the musical brought up within me. Could she ever get to a place where she feels there is no way out? I actually think she might be in that place. But could she get to a place where she could take her life because of it? I am not sure. I seriously thought perhaps I should end our relationship so I stop interfering in her marriage. But then I think....what good would that do? The awareness is already there. She already knows what is possible. She already knows what her marriage offers her. She often expresses that she deserves more and she is in the process of ending a 35+ year marriage. In the meantime, after this play today, I am now questioning .... can she handle this? Can she survive this? Would it be easier for me to quietly go away? If I go away could that save her life? I don't know that I am expressing myself completely, but I am trying. I may add to what I have written as more awarenesses come up. But for now, goodnight all.
Post by coppersgirl on Aug 7, 2017 11:41:25 GMT -5
I'm not sure how to respond to this. Does your MGF suffer from depression? Has she ever indicated that she thinks suicide could be a viable option for someone? You say she expresses that "she deserves more and she is in the process of ending a 25+ year marriage." If she is in the process of ending the marriage, unlike the father in the play who couldn't cope with his own homosexuality, why do you think she might be in that place with no way out? Did you talk about each of your reactions to the play? Did she seem as effected by it as you obviously are? IF you truly think she could stay in the marriage and choose suicide cuz of feeling trapped, do you feel comfortable suggesting therapy for her? Do you think if you walked away that it would help her? Do you think it would help her recommit to marriage or truly make the steps to leave? Or would she stay and continue following a pattern of having affairs with women, etc?
Side note: the play is based upon a true story. The daughter in the play is Alison Bechdel who created a comic strip years ago, Dykes to Watch Out For that I think used to be in the Advocate and other publications as well as books you could buy of hers.
Post by confusedandinlove on Aug 7, 2017 14:27:44 GMT -5
We are both already in therapy. This has been an amazing 5 years and the hardest 5 years. I am in therapy to deal with this relationship and with life stuff and she is in therapy to work on her sexuality and coming to terms with a completely different life. She was married for 35+ year. Completely different life! She has some depression, not so significant to seek medication and not constant. She can get to a really dark place. She has been in a dark place before. She has entertained the idea of suicide but also says she would never actually do it. So I rest on that and feel reassured. But I also worry...what if it's a really bad day? Then what? And I don't know if I walked away if it would fix it all. I don't even know how to walk away. I think I should offer for her to not go out of town with me in 2 weeks, but I also don't want her to not come (selfishly). I realize that makes no sense, but I don't want strangers to know where I'm going why and when, so, that's why it sounds strange. Just something that I am celebrating and we are going out of town to celebrate. She is meeting me there. I think I should do the responsible thing and tell her to not come. That breaks my heart. I also want to wait because I know if we have a disagreement that in an hour we have both moved on....although this was not a disagreement. It just feels so different and so scary. I want to fix it and I want to have everything go back to how it was yesterday morning before the play.
Post by confusedandinlove on Aug 7, 2017 14:30:29 GMT -5
And I don't think my going away would help her recommit to her marriage. She says there is nothing there. But I don't want to see her struggle. Omg I have become a codependent person!!!!! I keep getting distracted at work and forgetting what else I wanted to answer. There was more...so I will have one more reply....
Post by confusedandinlove on Aug 7, 2017 14:31:47 GMT -5
Oh ya, the affairs with other women....I am the first woman she has ever been with. I don't know that she would continue with other women. She says she wants to be with me and she is attracted to me. Beyond that, she is not attracted to other women or men.