You so eloquently put what I have been through with my GF/ eGF and the way she used to make me feel and the contrast of stability with a loving, kind, uncomplicated H. I struggled to work out if it was the product of an affair to see these attitudes and traits in my GF, or is the codependency and highs and lows more likely in a lesbian relationship?
The only thing I would say to you is don't lose her. If there is enough love you feel, and you believe in her words and actions, then have faith in love and her and leap into a new life with her. I worried too much about losing my stability, identity, hurting my children, feelings of failure breaking a marriage up and the sheer mountain you need to climb to split from your H and family and that uncertainty. But I keep reading on other's posts and know from my own heart the pain and bereavement you feel and regrets when you lose that one person, YOUR one. Don't let obstacles get in your way if she is the one, own it and then don't look back. And if she is not maybe you have to let her go before it's too late for a way back, and also her heart gets broken. Wishing you clarity.
I've edited my earlier post, which I rushed through.
Equating an affair with an open, honest relationship between two single people doesn't make sense. This is especially true if you're isolated and don't have any other queer friendships. Instead of focusing on "codependency" - which kinda is to be expected given that you were the one "who pursued this relationship, made her realize what was going on," right? - go deeper with your own fears about coming out. If that means taking a break from the affair, so be it.
BTW, is your therapist LGBT? Do they have awareness of coming out issues?
Last Edit: Jul 9, 2017 11:59:04 GMT -5 by Italiana
I think you already know deep down what you want to / need to do. You said, "I still think I'm gay and there are more choices than just these two." That might be the answer. Yes, it IS scary. But so is looking back on one's life & wondering "what if".
My advice would be that you need to decide what you want to do about your marriage, independent from your relationship with this woman. The question is not whether you want to leave him for her, but rather whether you want to leave him. If the answer is yes, then that is the path you go down. If the answer is no, then that is the path you go down. And whichever path you choose, needs to be for you.
Easy to say. Hard as hell to do. But it's the truth.
“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.”- George Bernard Shaw