Stressed right out Mar 31, 2017 22:15:24 GMT -5 via mobile
Post by 340 on Mar 31, 2017 22:15:24 GMT -5
I have searched high and low for a group of individuals/women that I can speak openly and freely to about my sexuality problems. I am 30 years old and I have known that I am attracted to women from the time I was in the 5thgrade. I met my now husband 9years ago and he was willing and gave me the opportunity to indulge with the same sex. About a year ago, I met a young lady online who I became involved with. The deal was I would be allowed to be involved with this girl but under the rule that my husband would b allowed to watch (bad choice/big mistake) he would watch but no touching. I was happy with that because I was able to be free with the same sex especially with his consent. Over a period of time, feelings began to build me and my female companion. I fell in love. The feelings between myself and her are mutual. Here is my issue, July 2016 I got married. I do not know if that was a good or bad choice. I love my husband, however he is giving me hard time to even see my female companion. I told him that I fell in love and he immediately became upset. I can understand his hurt and anger, but he knew what would eventually happen especially if we were spending time. I had a big wedding and my parents and grandparents have spent a lot of money. I do not want a divorce, but I do know that is the best option because I know that I am not gonna stay true to him, especially when it comes to women. I am confused and I am sorry. I have so much hate for myself for being this way. Homosexuality is one of the hardest thing to deal with. I have accepted who I am, but my husband just doesn't accept it. My grandparents made it clear years ago that they would disown me if they knew that I was involved with the same sex. It's a daily struggle for me. I'm at the end and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I have cried every night from the month of November.