I also think these attempts could be your MGF's preemptive measures against feeling guilty later, which is sort of 'cultural expectation' related to a non-conforming behaviour of women.
When reading almost all the posts at AJ, I always wondered how difficult it must be to leave a good person, friend, a loving H. In my case it was his will for power and control over me, his ownership attitude to me that helped me to say goodbye and the cruelty that followed helped me out. Leaving a good man must be extremely difficult because of the guilt. This is what might be your MGF's problem.
Post by confusedandinlove on Mar 9, 2017 10:46:00 GMT -5
I agree that she is trying to decrease potential guilt, she has said things like that before. It just makes my heart hurt. I try to be so strong and she (hopefully) does not know how bad I am, I act strong, I encourage her to be with him and to do fun things with him but I really don't mean it....I want her to be with me!
Confusedandinlove you sound like your being super supportive to your mgf.. I'm still with my h and my gf finds it impossible to support me that way.. I can't even mention my home life without her becoming super defensive.. she wants us to be together end of story ! And that puts so much pressure on me .. I don't feel supported just pressured .. and then I draw away from her .. there is no right way to get through this process it's all hurts.. and yes there is an incredible amount of guilt .. the whole process of coming out is confusing in itself without the fact your married and cheating.. no wonder it's a rollercoaster . Sending you love and hugs x
Post by coppersgirl on Mar 10, 2017 11:07:05 GMT -5
And the message I needed to hear too...granted my mgf isn't at quite the same point (in terms of giving the H multiple attempts)...but I know we're gonna continue to go through things as she works her way out in the best way possible for her. And again, remaining strong, positive, supportive is my key to getting through this as well.
Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective... I just wish my gf cud see how difficult it is .. she wants a definite time and I just can't give one .. I need to know that Ive ended it at the right time for me .. selfish maybe ? But I have to live with the decision .. I do agree that sometimes it is nessesary to have some distance to really do the hard work ..and in my own experience I never mean to push her away but sometimes trying to juggle everyone's feelings becomes to much .. there's no right or wrong or easier position to be in , both sides are equally frustrating and painful to endure. Love and hugs x