Post by lavenderandroses on Sept 7, 2016 5:35:57 GMT -5
I read about another member's experience of being able to orgasm with her H by thinking of her C. This seems tricky for me personally, as I think I might feel dishonest, in a way that, bizarrely, I might not if I could just mentally image a celebrity. Perhaps this is because there would be no emotional connection to the other. Also can you really imagine that it is a woman touching you when it is, in reality, a man? Do you desire the same from a woman's touch as you would've, historically or currently from a man? My sleeping and waking dreams of her have involved deep eye contact, verbal exchanges, slow sensual touch and emotional connection. I have previously felt curious about what it might be like to kiss a woman, but without a powerful urge to act on it. With my C I, for the first time, was shocked to realise that the idea of kissing her and even going down on her felt unembarrassing, natural and good to me. But I can't say those things, particularly the latter, appeal to me with anyone else, male or female. However, I can look at either a man or woman's body and feel a frisson if I like it. I occasionally see a man who makes me feel sexy - but it's a rough, lust driven sex act that springs to mind with me as the passive object of male desire. If I see a woman I am attracted to, the feeling I get is a much more nebulous sensuality - the dance of eyes, watching her movements and gestures, exchange of thoughts or opinions, what it might be like to hold her or the brush of her skin - any of these may spring to mind. My reaction to porn (I am new to this - it is a part of my quest for clarity) is also confusing. To be frank I can physically get off on watching a man with a woman and am drawn to a muscular, matcho (but not hairy) man with a petite, feminine woman!! If I watch so called lesbian porn aimed at straight men I just feel rather irritated, as the women seem unreal and the passion fake. If I watch extracts of the L word or proper female kissing I find it sexy and I want to see tenderness in a way I don't want from straight porn. I want to watch some bits over and over and I like to see passion, but I cannot get off on it. The experience is romantic. A complicating factor is that (I have never divulged this to anyone) when I touch myself I feel the need always to project myself into the man - feeling what it would be like to be him excites me. That is just plain weird and embarrassing and at odds with who I feel I am in real life. I feel I am a feminine woman, who loves wearing dresses and make-up, but never clothes that are uncomfortable, with some faint, tomboyish behaviours. How can this be?