So...today it just sort of happened. Was talking with a colleague who is aware of what's been going on with me, my affair with my gf, and now relationship with my gf, the end of my marriage, my journey. Today I said the words... "Queer fits me better. Gay doesn't feel right, neither does lesbian." And I just sat there. Think I came out. Felt good. Strange. But good.
Came out a bit to my gf this past weekend. It's strange. A big part of me is like why do I need the formal label? Do I even need it? Can I just say I'm in a relationship with a woman? People will put their own labels on me. I think in time "gay" will fit. I truly do. Think it's who I am. Who I've been. How I am in this world. My gf and I talked about this in depth this past weekend and that felt so nice. Nice to feel open.
Just sharing...feel like I'm moving towards the next thing. Feel ready. Such a journey this will be. Nice to feel like I'm becoming me...finally!
Post by Amazingsweetness41 on Apr 23, 2015 21:06:20 GMT -5
Hi Newbie32, I agree with you about using labels. If I had to pick a label for myself though I feel most comfortable saying I am gay. My first choice would be not to put a label on myself and I also agree with saying, I'm in a relationship with a woman, that really sounds best to me. The words lesbian and queer don't seem to fit.
Nice to hear that you are feeling comfortable to just be the "real you". It's the best way to be to live happily I think. Also happy that you are feeling ready to move towards the next thing. Such an amazing journey indeed. Cheers!
Post by wingsonmyshoulder on Apr 23, 2015 21:42:32 GMT -5
I remember clearly when I first spoke the words, "I think I'm a lesbian." It was to my best friend, who answered, "Ya' think?!?" lol Seems like a lifetime ago now...
What no one ever seems to tell you, though, is that you will never stop coming out. Even my wife, after 30+ years of being out, still has to choose to come out on occasion, although those occasions are obviously fewer after so many years.
The label debate has been discussed at length, and I don't think there is one right answer for everyone. We can choose our labels, other people will choose labels for us, and in the end we just need to recognize that we are the only ones who have to comfortable in our own skin no matter what label is applied. Personally, I have referred to myself as gay, lesbian, queer, dyke, and femme. That's in addition to the sister, daughter, mother, grandmother, friend, artist, entrepreneur, and wife labels that I have also embraced. Labels can help define us to those that only know the surface, but we alone decide if they limit us.
Embrace all that you are, add to that definition as needed, and enjoy being free to do both.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Dear Newbie, Wings and Amazing : I am so comforted by each of your. Postings! I wrote on open form, regarding UGH. recently I ceased contact w my gf as she would not show up in person to see me. ( the UGH post gives details). I treasure how each of you seems accepting of the process of self discovery and coming out. Thank you all for the openness.
It's so good to hear both posts, varying from experienced to just coming out. I too have followed my process of coming out, first to myself & that feeling of joy & terror (married with 3 kids & in love with my now gf who is also married with children!). Then to my gf, which seems hilarious to me now, also a 'ya think??!!' moment. Then watching my gf also go through the thought processes of her coming out over months, more slowly than me & in her own way with her own difficulties & revalations. In a way, if you take away all the obstacles & problems that come with it (not easy, I know) it's like watching a beautiful flower open & blossom.
It is ongoing for me and through the adversity I can be quite philosophical and take a step back in wonder to watch this new identity evolve in myself & my gf, it's an incredible journey. Not just sexually, but how my whole world has expanded, my mind, my wisdom, empathy, emotions & spiritually. When I look back at my married life & early years, I feel half the person I'm becoming now. My confidence, power, resilience & strength has grown massively & Ive learnt so much about myself.
It's also interesting to watch the reactions of people around you. Good friends who I also consider beautiful wise souls, totally get it & are really supportive. People who have a lot to learn about life are fearful of change & negative. It's been important to remember that you can't be responsible & own a persons reaction, it often says more about them than you. Also that it's important not to feel pressured into coming out to everybody - it's ongoing & takes it out of you!
I still have a long way to go, I've yet to tell my children & face separation from my husband. I will go through that twice with supporting my gf through the same process with her husband & family. Then there's my parents, sister & extended family. It can feel overwhelming but I take it a day at a time & baby steps help.
One day when I'm through the other side of the stress & obstacles, I'll have so much strength, insight & wisdom to offer the people in my life. I hope I can post on these boards with warmth, advice & encouragement like so many others do to the women who feel alone, isolated, terrified, like life is out of control & the world is against them...to say that everything passes, no matter how tough. Women have incredible strength & treading the path of truth will one day bring great happiness & authenticity.
Post by Amazingsweetness41 on Nov 16, 2015 6:35:21 GMT -5
A post from the spring..
Fleur, I can relate to a lot of what you posted in your second paragraph. I too have grown in so many ways. Emotionally, and spiritually to an all new level, an amazing amount of self growth, renewed wisdom, strength and confidence in myself. Today I can say I've grown into the person I always knew I was but was unable to be during my marriage. Faith, power and perseverance has gotten me through some challenging times over the past few years.
I agree, coming out is like a flower blossoming. It is an ongoing process that has been slow but steady for me. I've shared with family and a few good friends, people at my job, not so much yet. A lot of my old friends from town that I had at the start of this journey have fallen away because I needed to make these life decisions and changes without their influence so I distanced myself. I needed to hear my own inner voice and be open to receive the guidance God was giving me. I am grateful for this journey. I am grateful to live in the truth of who I am.