I've started talking to my husband about everything and it's going much more smoothly than I thought it would. He's really understanding and we're exploring what this means for us. (I fully understand that his cooperation and understanding might just be temporary, and we're not making any big decisions yet, but we are talking about possibilities.) My therapist suggested a trial separation, which is scary, but also seems like a good idea. For a number of reasons, doing this during my kids' summer break makes the most sense. So I'm starting to explore the logistics of this. We'll need a second place to live. I'm thinking the simplest is to find a two bedroom furnished apartment that we could do a three month lease for. But everything I find like that is SUPER depressing. The idea of my kids spending every other week all summer living with one of us (still no idea who would move out) in a glorified hotel room in a gross part of town, far from their friends, makes me so sad. Has anyone ever tried the setup where the kids stay put and the parents take turns in the house? That seems so weird, too. I guess there is no way to separate from your children's father without it being weird. We also just finished doing a lot of work on the house and we both really love it, so it will feel unfair for whoever moves out. I feel like there has to be some magical other arrangement that I haven't thought of for this.
Post by Amazingsweetness41 on Apr 7, 2015 11:59:24 GMT -5
Hi Redshoes, my exh and I separated in the summertime of 2013 and it was better for my boys to help them adjust before the new school year started. There really is no easy time for them in the beginning, but that time of year did help. My exh lived at his brother's house for the first year and then he got an apartment. I stayed in the house. Up Until my exh got his apartment, me and him would alternate weekends staying in the house. I would go to my mother's or my sister's for the weekend and he would stay in the house with the boys. It was hard on us (going back and forth) but it was best for my boys. This is a short term solution, until the kids adjust, we switched like that for close to a year until my exh got his apartment, once he got a place the kids were ready to stay at his apartment.
I'm not really a fan of the idea of a trial separation with children though. I feel that could be confusing for them. If you try to separate, then go back and then if it doesn't work out, you have to separate again. Just my opinion though
Yeah, the "trial" part is sort of strange. I feel very sure that this is who I am and how I need to live, but maybe I'm just scared to do anything final. I was hoping we could pitch it to the kids as a "summer adventure!" somehow, but I know they'll see through that. How old were your kids when you separated?
Post by Amazingsweetness41 on Apr 7, 2015 13:21:51 GMT -5
If you are feeling scared about doing anything final then most likely you're not ready. Give yourself time, to reach the point of "feeling" ready. In the meantime keep talking with your t. Keep the lines of communication open with your h too.