Staying doesn't feel right. Leaving doesn't feel right. I know we've all spent ages mulling over the many other options... Can we compile a huge list of the shades of grey between divorce and hetero monogamy? No idea is too wacky.
I'm new here, but thought I'd share my shade of gray...
I am married, 25 years, and have a girlfriend, long distance, six month's duration. All with my husband's full knowledge and approval (?). She knows I am married, committed to staying married and she is divorced but mostly closeted. She and I have spent two three day weekends together so far with a third meeting coming up shortly. We are intimate.
With my gf, it is much more than a fling, but much less than a sustainable relationship. Two thousand miles, kids, families, careers, closets, all that makes it impossible to see a future with her. But it is also impossible for me to imagine my life without her.
It is sort of ideal. And sort of a nightmare. I don't know what the outcome will be, how sustainable this situation is or even what I want.
I don't mind at all! We actually met through work. We were part a committee and "met" by working together. I hoped she was a lesbian, owing to her involvement in an LGBT group, but there were tons of allies in the group so not a sure thing at all.
We chatted through our company IM and discovered we had a lot in common, became facebook friends, messaged all the time, and it just grew from there.
It wasn't something I was looking for at all. I mean, I had finally acknowledged about six months before that I had SSA, but I certainly didn't know what, if anything, I would do about that. Then she happened into my path.