As I face down another weekend - I just want to say to all the great lovers out there, thank you for the vision of a life lived to the full that you offer. To all those women who have loved and lost, I wish strength and peace. To those that can speak, thank you for sharing your rollercoaster ride. To those who have to stay silent, I hope the love you bring to the lives you are in, is appreciated for the treasure it is. To all the star-crossed lovers, don't drink the poison, hang on a little bit longer. I am so grateful for all these stories, that have brought me to knowing myself: I wouldn't give that up for a winning lottery ticket. Thanks everyone.
Ah well. I bought my lottery ticket for that draw already. Who knows, I might already be a winner :lol: . But, seriously, no. I keep fantasizing about how money would solve my problems (and a lottery ticket is the price of those fantasies, more fun than the necessary job search). But if someone said,
"You can have all this money, heaps of it. The price is stay with H. Forever. Keep tearfully wondering - like you did before your awakening, 'What is wrong with me? Why am I not happy? Why does this therapy or that support group not make me feel good? How can I be still ground down by childhood abuse after all these years?' Keep eating and getting fat to stuff down all that misery and get the ill health that goes with it. Skip getting the ease you have had with your challenging child since you came out to yourself. And, oh, yes, give up on real love."
I have no doubt I would walk away. For years I tried to love myself. This was like trying to love a penpal. I didn't know who I was. Now I know who I am, loving myself is coming a lot easier, loving myself, forgiving myself. And there is a lot, and will be more, to forgive myself for.
I am really glad for the generous support of everyone on this site.